I Think I'm In Like With The Hot Dog Eating Contest

Is there anything more american than watching some dudes devour processed meat? SPOILER ALERT: nope. The only thing I hate about the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest is that it can't be held every single day for the rest of my life. I love this shit so much that I'm going through withdraws right now. There's nothing more heroic than what Joey Chestnut does year after year. Look, by body certainly isn't what it used to be. If my body was a temple, it would have been burned down by villagers by the time I hit puberty. I can't eat two hot dogs now without feeling like I'm gonna make some art all over the floor. Homeboy here ate 62. Joey Chestnut is an american hero. Someone give this dude a bushel of pussy. God knows he's deserved it.

PS- Imagine being that dude to the left of Chestnut that ate 56 and still didn't win? That would be worse than me going up there and eating 1.5 and then leaving after like 12 seconds. What's the point when you're going up against the greatest to ever play eat the game.