Was Tiger Woods' Lucky Charm Yesterday "Mashed Potatoes"?

The officially unofficial spokesman for Cheaters Anonymous just won his first match in like 43 years. Kind of a big deal. So when he was on his last hole, trying to win this shit, this happened. This can't just be a simple coincidence, right? There's no way. It's simple, when you think about it. Tiger has been holding this in for his entire career. He knew he won't be able to play forever, so when he programmed himself he made "MASHED POTATOES" be trigger words to kick him into overdrive and make him start winning again. Yesterday, he finally used it. Now he's gonna go back to being #1 in the world and keep fucking sluts like the good old days. He'll probably then retire, yell "MASHED POTATOES", and go fly off into space and explore nearby galaxies. Once there, he will land on the planet ZX-439 and befriend the imperial chief, Xon, and fuck all the alien sluts that live on planet ZX-439. But wait! What's that? A civil war between the Uro and Gnok tribes of ZX-439? Suddenly, Tiger has found himself in quite a predicament. Does he choose Uro, or Gnok to help fight? Easy choice. Tiger chooses to remain neutral. In this, it proves Tiger's wisdom, as well as the peaceful ideas of Ghandi. Setting himself as an example to both the Gnok and Uro, Tiger simply mutteres the words "mashed potatoes", and just like that, peace is restored to ZX-439. His work here is now done. Tiger returns to the sphere to which he had began. It is time to sleep now. Tiger sleeps... with 46 women.

Like I said, it was simple.

P.S. Best blog I've ever written. Hands down. Gotta start writing random shit at 2 in the morning more often. Noted.

How Much Shit Would Fill Up Your Pants If You Got A Friend Request From Your Unborn Child On Facebook?

Is this genius, or is this genius? All I can say is thank God that my sex life is non existent, or else this shit would scare me to death. But seriously, I think this could backfire here. William Silva Jr. is adorable. Like why post pictures of wicked cute babies? Isn't looking at a baby that's cute as fuck gonna make people wanna go raw dog and stick some buns in the oven? Obviously 99% of all babies are cute, that's a fact, but you gotta dig to get that 1% that looks like a little ball of puke with eyes. That's why you gotta get a baby that's ugly as fuck. Something like this guy:

Fuck. That. Shit. How can you say you wont use condoms after looking at that thing? If that's Davey Jr. and he's trying to be my friend, I'd block him in a second. Wouldn't even poke him.

Chick In The White Shirt Can Be My Background Dancer Any Day

(Chicks turns on the juice towards the middle of the video)

If there's one thing in this world that I hate, it's when other people around me suck. Not literally, but when they're just so terrible, they manage to bring you down in a way that is embarrassing. Happens all the time. Whether you're in a big group of friends hanging out and they all act like douches, or just clearly the best person within a group of people, it can get annoying. That's why I feel for my girl in the middle, killing it with the capri workout pants. How pissed would you be if you were the only one doing the dance right the entire time while everyone is on the correct tempo, doing synchronized moves, looking like idiots? Fucking chicks, man. Can't get anything right.

KETCHUPBOT!!!!!!

So obviously the only robots that get any press are either the ones on Star Wars, ones that creepy scientists make so they can stick their creepy little scientist wieners in because they can't get anything else, and Snooki. But let me tell you this, my boy Ketchupbot is just a solid, blue-collar worker. You need ketchup? Ketchupbot's got your back son! Love the dedication, too. Little guy never wants to stop working. Just rolls around and sprays ketchup wherever the fuck he wants. Ballin.

TLC Gives Us The Definition of Must Watch T.V.

In lieu of the Thanksgiving spirit, I think that instead of ripping these two wacko virgin kissers apart, we should be thankful. I'm thankful for TLC. Honestly, is there any network that has shot out better shows than TLC? Hoarders. I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. And now the Virgin Diaries?! That's an all-star lineup right there.

Overall, I'm the most thankful for the fact that I'm not this guy's boxers. Those things were probably dripping in cum when this happened. Not a good look.