Don't You Hate It When You're Drunk And Being Chased By Zombies So You Obviously Steal A Newspaper Delivery Truck To Survive And The Cops Have The Nerve To Arrest You?

Apple Valley, Minn- Minnesota man accused of stealing a newspaper delivery truck from a gas station told police he took it because he was running from zombies. Garrett Howard Hurlbut, 23, of Apple Valley was charged with stealing a motor vehicle during the September incident, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported. A police report said officers found Hurlbut near the truck, several blocks away from the gas station where it was reported stolen. Hurlbut told police he had "jumped or fell from the truck" and was "running from zombies," the report said. Police said Hurlbut had "bloodshot, watery eyes and a strong odor of alcoholic beverages on his breath."


Look, the fact that us tax payers are pouring money into the police force that is single handedly stopping citizens from saving themselves from imaginary zombie hordes is one thing. But to bring up that this dude had 'bloodshot, watery eyes' is completely and utterly unforgivable. Tattling on a drunk dude for crying? I mean talk about kicking a man while he's down. Crying? Of course he was crying! I cried at the end of Toy Story 3. Put me in front of a charging group of zombies that aren't real? Forget about it. There's no telling what I'd do. 


Just kidding, we all know I'd pull a Knowshon: