This Tree Has So Much Game, I Can't Even Stand It

If you were to tell me at the start of this video that every single second of its 2:28 duration was spent watching this girl hook up with a tree, I'd call you a liar and a fool. Welp, call me Mary and slap on a bonnet*, because I was dead fucking wrong! This video is 95% of the way there to making me a full blown hippie. My only problem is that the tree is clearly not getting enough credit here. Sure, people may say she's drunk. Yeah, she could be tripping on acid, but let's get real for a second here- have you ever seen this before? Probably not. Have you ever seen this particular tree before? Probably not. If she was drunk/high, she could have chosen the tree right next to it. There's no coincidence here. Therefore, this tree must have some sort of crazy tree pickup lines that's taken years to master. I'm no scientist, but there are your facts.

Also, totally a bitch move by not finishing the job on the tree. I was a cub scout once, but I was a cub scout long enough to realize that a tree's blue balls are the worst kind of blue balls there are.

* NOTE: I have no idea what 'call me Mary and slap on a bonnet' is supposed to mean. I wrote it in the heat of the moment. Fuck you.