Meet Kenny, The Mentally Retarded Inbred White Tiger

Nothing like a deformed tiger to make me feel better about my life! Zoo's have apparently been forced to have white tigers bang their sisters because I guess there's some sort of demand for white tigers now? What is this, a James Bond movie? And how has this dude not even been bought yet? Do you think he costs more because he's so dumb? I promise you that if I had enough money to buy a white tiger, I would 100% buy a mentally retarded white tiger. Like why not, right? Anyone can have a big dumb regular white tiger. Pussy shit. I want my tiger to drool all over the place and not give a shit about anything else but having an awesome time. Don't even tell me that it wouldn't be the biggest pussy magnet in history either.

Walking through the park with a regular white tiger = dangerous.

Walking through the park with a mentally retarded white tiger = adorable.

P.S. I'm not gonna pretend like I know what I'm talking about but I promise you that Sigfried/Roy (not sure which one got his face torn off) definitely would have been fine if he was playing with Kenny.

P.P.S. I know mental retardation is a touchy subject. Don't call me a dick for the "drool all over the place" line. Kenny does it all the time!

David Spade Wins The Indy 500!

Big shout out to Mr. Spade for winning the Indy 500 yesterday! Dude deserves it. He was fucking awesome in Joe Dirt.

Someone Kill Me.

You know on like the week before Christmas as a kid you're dying to know what you're gonna get so you hunt through the house like fucking Indiana Jones dodging whatever contraptions your parents set up so that you don't peek at your presents? Yeah I was totally that kid. I would have probably severed my own hand at the wrist to see what I will get because I honestly wouldn't be able to contain myself in a decent way. Sure enough, every time that I found those fuckers I was just like "oh". Then the week blew donkey dick because I completely destroyed the element of surprise. Life would have been way fucking sicker if I could have just unseen that shit.

And that's how I feel about these videos.

There are just some things no human should ever see. I like having cognitive thinking and all that good stuff but I hope I get dementia within the hour just so I have no recollection of this and I'm not even exaggerating. For the first time ever, I'm completely jealous of blind people who never have to experience something like this. Ray Charles was a lucky motherfucker.

Peanut Butter and Swelly

Chiddy Bang - Peanut Butter & Swelly [Trailer] from illRoots.com on Vimeo.

Chiddy Bang does it again. Another killer mixtape that has the music blog world on fire. I have had it playing all day, and this will be the anthem of the summer. Mark my words. Chiddy Bang is on the rise and they are doing it in a big way.

Their next release will be their debut LP, booya!

This gets my seal of approval.

Follow them on Twitter.

@XaphoonJones

@RealChiddy

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Hulkshare

Don't You Just Hate It When You're Hiking With Your Kids, Videotaping Every Single Step And Then Fucking Bigfoot Ruins It All?

Fucking Bigfoot! No wonder no one invites this dude out for anything. Such a cock block. Can't you just let Samantha film her kids asses as they hike? Like is that too much to ask dude? I don't think so. Just mind your own business, being completely fake and made up, and let this family live their lives you greedy prick!