Albert Pujols Puts Full Page Ad In The St. Louis Post-Dispatch Thanking The City And Fans. It's Nicer And Sweeter Than The One LeBron Didn't Do.

Click it if you want to read it for yourself

So I'm trying to add some spice into Mom's Leftovers by throwing in some sports poop. I know you ladies won't appreciate it as much as the men do, but hey, it's cool because I love you girls more.

So when I saw this picture tweeted of Albert Pujols' ad put out in a Saint Louis newspaper, I wasn't surprised. From what I hear, Pujols has always been a genuinely nice guy. Hell, even from watching him goof around during the All Star games and Home Run Derby with his kids close by. I know I don't have much to base it on, but for what it's worth, I think Pujols is a pretty nice guy. The thing that pissed me off was the fact that LeBron didn't do this. I know, I know, LeBron has been in Miami for about a year now, but still. It's kinda bullshit. 

Albert didn't really owe the Cardinals, or even the city of St. Louis anything. Yes, he spent 11 years of his career there, but still. In retrospect, if anything, the city owes him the world. Enter Lebron. Born in raised in the same exact state as the city that drafted, and coveted him. Once his contract ended, he shopped himself to other teams around the NBA who would want his services. Not mad at him for that, at all. Dude has insane talent, and deserves to go wherever he wanted to go. Totally fine. The way he did it though, was ridiculous. He held a one-hour special on ESPN just to announce where he was going to sign. Made it a giant heap of hooplah just to get attention. 

With all this shit happening this week with the NBA, it's easy to say that it's messed up, and I think LeBron is a metaphor for that league itself. The commissioner is a power-tripping joke. And small market teams aren't going to have a chance to compete in the next few years, much because of the trend that LeBron himself started in the first place. But as much as LeBron mirrors his sport, Pujols exemplifies baseball just as much. He was an absolute class act as he closed the door on his chapter in St. Louis. Although Pujols took a huge deal, getting 10 years, and $250 million from Anaheim, he did it the right way. 

It's nice to see professionals acting like professionals for a change. Just sucks that acts like Pujols' aren't as common as they should be.

At Least The Celtics Potential Starting Center This Season Has An Awesome Soundtrack To His Mixtape!

Obviously everyone and their mother knows about how the Chris Paul trade to the Lakers was nixed last night by commissioner David Stern, which pretty much means nobody can trade for Paul, which includes the Celtics. The NBA is a joke. Anyways, who needs Chris Paul when you have rumors of picking up my boy Kwame Brown?! Dude has so much swag, he doesn't even need the normal hip-hop soundtrack for the video that showcases his talents. Nah, fuck that. He uses Liz Phair! Brought a whole new level to gangstability! Tell 'em, Kwame!

Seriously though if this jamoke is wearing a Celtics uniform on Christmas day, I might shoot a young child.

Did You Hear The One Where A Kid Was In A Charity Event Called "Shop With A Cop" But Decided It Was A Good Idea To Steal $600 Worth Of Stuff Until He Promptly Got Caught By All The Police That Were Around?

Apparently this dude Timothy Clark did. Usually this is where I go on a witty rant shitting on this kid for shoving a bunch of random video game stuff into his shirt when he's hanging out with police, but you know what? I'm gonna give little Timmy here a free pass. A free one day, one-time only pass from Mom's Leftovers making fun of you. It's an honor, but only the dumbest of the dumb are qualified enough to receive it. Plus, I feel like Timmy wouldn't understand anything I say to shit on him in the first place. Wanna play Xbox bro?

Was Tiger Woods' Lucky Charm Yesterday "Mashed Potatoes"?

The officially unofficial spokesman for Cheaters Anonymous just won his first match in like 43 years. Kind of a big deal. So when he was on his last hole, trying to win this shit, this happened. This can't just be a simple coincidence, right? There's no way. It's simple, when you think about it. Tiger has been holding this in for his entire career. He knew he won't be able to play forever, so when he programmed himself he made "MASHED POTATOES" be trigger words to kick him into overdrive and make him start winning again. Yesterday, he finally used it. Now he's gonna go back to being #1 in the world and keep fucking sluts like the good old days. He'll probably then retire, yell "MASHED POTATOES", and go fly off into space and explore nearby galaxies. Once there, he will land on the planet ZX-439 and befriend the imperial chief, Xon, and fuck all the alien sluts that live on planet ZX-439. But wait! What's that? A civil war between the Uro and Gnok tribes of ZX-439? Suddenly, Tiger has found himself in quite a predicament. Does he choose Uro, or Gnok to help fight? Easy choice. Tiger chooses to remain neutral. In this, it proves Tiger's wisdom, as well as the peaceful ideas of Ghandi. Setting himself as an example to both the Gnok and Uro, Tiger simply mutteres the words "mashed potatoes", and just like that, peace is restored to ZX-439. His work here is now done. Tiger returns to the sphere to which he had began. It is time to sleep now. Tiger sleeps... with 46 women.

Like I said, it was simple.

P.S. Best blog I've ever written. Hands down. Gotta start writing random shit at 2 in the morning more often. Noted.

How Much Shit Would Fill Up Your Pants If You Got A Friend Request From Your Unborn Child On Facebook?

Is this genius, or is this genius? All I can say is thank God that my sex life is non existent, or else this shit would scare me to death. But seriously, I think this could backfire here. William Silva Jr. is adorable. Like why post pictures of wicked cute babies? Isn't looking at a baby that's cute as fuck gonna make people wanna go raw dog and stick some buns in the oven? Obviously 99% of all babies are cute, that's a fact, but you gotta dig to get that 1% that looks like a little ball of puke with eyes. That's why you gotta get a baby that's ugly as fuck. Something like this guy:

Fuck. That. Shit. How can you say you wont use condoms after looking at that thing? If that's Davey Jr. and he's trying to be my friend, I'd block him in a second. Wouldn't even poke him.