Was Tiger Woods' Lucky Charm Yesterday "Mashed Potatoes"?

The officially unofficial spokesman for Cheaters Anonymous just won his first match in like 43 years. Kind of a big deal. So when he was on his last hole, trying to win this shit, this happened. This can't just be a simple coincidence, right? There's no way. It's simple, when you think about it. Tiger has been holding this in for his entire career. He knew he won't be able to play forever, so when he programmed himself he made "MASHED POTATOES" be trigger words to kick him into overdrive and make him start winning again. Yesterday, he finally used it. Now he's gonna go back to being #1 in the world and keep fucking sluts like the good old days. He'll probably then retire, yell "MASHED POTATOES", and go fly off into space and explore nearby galaxies. Once there, he will land on the planet ZX-439 and befriend the imperial chief, Xon, and fuck all the alien sluts that live on planet ZX-439. But wait! What's that? A civil war between the Uro and Gnok tribes of ZX-439? Suddenly, Tiger has found himself in quite a predicament. Does he choose Uro, or Gnok to help fight? Easy choice. Tiger chooses to remain neutral. In this, it proves Tiger's wisdom, as well as the peaceful ideas of Ghandi. Setting himself as an example to both the Gnok and Uro, Tiger simply mutteres the words "mashed potatoes", and just like that, peace is restored to ZX-439. His work here is now done. Tiger returns to the sphere to which he had began. It is time to sleep now. Tiger sleeps... with 46 women.

Like I said, it was simple.

P.S. Best blog I've ever written. Hands down. Gotta start writing random shit at 2 in the morning more often. Noted.