Dude Swishes One Of The Best Basketball Trick Shots I've Ever Seen!

Bravo sir! Bravo! You sure showed all those haters that say white people suck at basketball! Seriously though, is this the video with the most accurate racial stereotypes of all time? White kid wearing a hollister shirt during gym class. White kid fixes his hair the second after he's told the camera is rolling. White kid misses a basketball hoop by about 29 feet and drills another white kid in the head. Black kid comes literally out of nowhere with a perfectly timed "DAAAAAAMN!" and then disappears into thin air. All we need is an Asian doing math homework and we have ourselves history.

Happy Black History Month, Everyone!

"I have a dream that one day, a man of color will rise up, and wear a washcloth over his junk and dance around on the internet while the N-word is repeated over and over! I have a dream!" - Martin Luther King Jr.

What Do You Think Happens To This Bird That Landed In A Lion Cage At The Zoo?

I never thought I'd see the day, but I honestly think that birds may just be cockier than cats. Like.. they can fucking fly. Kind of a big deal when you're the only type of animal in the world that can soar around the sky and swoop like it aint shit. But then little fucking Zazu over here thinks he's tough enough to go hang out with his old friends from the cast of the Lion King, then BOOM. Nala don't play like that mother fucker!

If This Giant Pile Of Trash That's Visible From Google Earth Doesn't Get This Dude Laid, I Don't Know What Is

I'm no swagologist, but this just oozes swag. Nothing says marriage material quite like having trash flood out of your house into your backyard to the point where satellites can see them. Dude is the absolute alpha male of his neighborhood. Undisputed heavyweight champion of his street. My only question is how quickly does it take for chicks to climax? Has to be instantaneous, right? The possibility of fucking ontop of a mound of trashy trash is making me tingle in places it shouldn't tingle, so I can't even imagine actually witnessing it first hand. 

This must be why I'm single. Nice.

And The Best Dad Of The Year Award Goes To.... The Guy Who Played Porn At His Kid's Birthday Party When They All Wanted To Watch The Smurfs!

Article from the Standard-Examiner (whatever the hell that is), can be found here. 

Honestly, this dude can talk about how "someone must have tampered with the DVD I rented!" and "it was an accident" until the cows come home, but who the fuck is he kidding? I mean not only was it 100% on purpose, but it sneaky may be the greatest birthday present to a kid of all time. Think about it. Until he dies, this Dad is gonna be the absolute coolest Dad in town. Little Jimmy is gonna grow up and people will want to hang out with him just because they're Dad is cool as fuck and let his kids watch people procreate. And don't even get me started on the fact that this shit was on a projector. This stuff is legendary. Wouldn't be surprised if it comes out at little Jimmy's wedding toast either. 

P.S. I can't help but wonder if the porn was just humans fucking or Smurfs fucking.. like if it were Smurfs bumping their little smurfy parts into Smurfette, this would have to be the greatest story of all time, right? Today is Valentine's Day and my brain is littered with shit like this. Fuck me.

Sticker Designer Extraordinaire Herbie Pulgar Gets Snubbed Like A Motherfucker By The City Of Chicago

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know any more about stickers than you do, but trust me when I say that I know talent when I see it. It's kinda like how God gives people good looks and fortune, except he realized he didn't give me either of those attributes, so he gave me an eye for talent. Let me tell you this, I'm surprised my boy Herbie went the mellow route and just decided to cry. I'd be throwing shit at the walls like my name was Coco the monkey. The professionalism, dedication, and pure unadulterated skill this little bulls fan showed can't be beat. Plus, he managed to draw a nearly flawless heart, which everyone knows is impossible.

Dude Pretends To Be A Cop To Get Hookers To Bang Him, Real Cops Less Than Pleased When They Catch Him

I read this article and I feel like I had to make some sort of a public service announcement. I owe it to you guys. So here it is: if you want to get laid, dress up as a cop. Fuck hookers. Don't get caught. Simple as that.

Okay but seriously, how in the world is this shit illegal? Last time I checked this was America, right? Our forefathers fought hard as shit to make this the "Land of the free, home of the fake-cop-gimmick-that-you-can-use-to-fuck-hookers". That was in the Constitution right? I think it was. And since it was, there is a -15% chance that this guy should get any type of punishment. Wouldn't want to let down Benny Franklin and Thomas Jefferson.

This Elephant Seems Like A Nice Guy

$10 says that this elephant is dead as fuck right now, but if there's anything this video proves, it's that this is easily the nicest elephant in all of the Animal Kingdom. Yeah, he might have pretty much knocked this dude out and shit, but the fact that he didn't take a step on his dumb human face speaks wonders. Like have you even seen Jumanji? All the elephants were pure assholes. Stomping on cars and shit like it aint nothin'.

Fuck this CGI elephant. And fuck its dumb family too.

Cats Are So Fucking Two Faced, I Can't Even Stand It

                           

Fuck cats. One minute, they're your best friend, next minute, they're clawing you to death while you sleep. Now they have this freak of feline fur to blame for every cat being a two faced douche. Fucking cats.