Some Old Bitch Says Nintendo Is The Reason She Keeps Her Brain 'Sharp'

Oh, really Kit? The 'brain game' says your brain is as smart as a 64 year old? And you're PROUD of that?! I honestly wouldn't show my face anywhere, let alone put a video up on Youtube if I had a body that was 36 years older than my brain. Do you realize the technology we have today? I guarantee you we'll see people who are at least 112 years old doing flips and shit at the Olympics this summer. Not impressed.

Also, how 'sharp' is a 64 year old brain in the first place? What's considered 'sharp' here? If you can tell whether or not it's nighttime or daytime? Fucking joke. Stop wasting my batteries, Grandma, and start knitting me shit.

This Dude Makes Me Want To Give Birth So Badly, I Can Almost Taste It.. But Not Really Because I Think That Would Be Gross

Seriously, this guy needs a Purple Heart or whatever medal is given out for being the fucking man. Like before he grabbed the mic and went off, you can just tell that this room had as much fun in it as a concentration camp. It had to be. You know shit is bad when a legless chick (I'm rolling with it because I don't see any evidence of legs there) is literally about to create a brand new human being to run amok on the face of this earth, and she's just chilling on Facebook. Yikes. No TV. One other chick there for support. And then BAM, heart monitor to the fucking rescue!

I'm curious though- what's your favorite verse in this whole thing? Gotta be when he completely changes the dynamic of the song and throws in the delayed "mirror." line in there. Didn't see that one coming but I definitely didn't hate it.

These Are The Only 42 Seconds You Needed To Watch Of The Golden Globes Last Night

No, I'm not ashamed that I watched the Golden Globes last night. Yes, Ricky Gervais killed it. No, there weren't enough jokes about it being the 69th Golden Globes. Yes, I gave you the by far funniest line of the night so that you can go show your friends. Maybe Seth Rogen is the funniest guy in the world, maybe he was just being completely honest.

Asian Dude Blows Chunks All Over The Stage During Drum Solo, Doesn't Give A Fuck

First off, I don't know what the deal is with the recent influx of Asians here on Mom's Leftovers either, so don't even ask. But one thing I do know is that they're miles and miles ahead of our Caucasian brotherhood when it comes to viral videos.

This dude couldn't give less of a fuck and I absolutely love it. What's the one way to top your own kick-ass drum solo? Show everyone what you ate for dinner. Bam. Power move by my boy who's name I'm assuming is Konichiwa! Show 'em how it's done!

P.S. Who does the frizzy haired chick in the green think she is leaving her seat to go stare at Konichiwa like he's an alien? Uhh newsflash- he meant for that to happen. Fuckin' chicks, man. Always trying to be the center of attention.

The Funniest Video Of An Asian Reporter Screaming On A Slide You'll See All Day

$10 says the World Champion Masturbator was at the bottom. I'd scream too.

Apparently If You Don't Know That Beyonce Is Married To Jay-Z, You'll Get Stabbed By This Guy

Meet Ronald Deaver. The guy who stabbed another dude on New Years for not knowing that Jay-z and Beyonce were a thing. Umm, hello? All he did was stab him? How is this even illegal? Not knowing they biggest couple in the history of couples is a couple should be illegal. The victim should just be thankful that he didn't get castrated on live TV while eating glass. That's me being nice when it comes to what someone should go through if they were as stupid as Mr. Idiot over there.

Adrianne Curry Just TwitPic'd Her Way Into My Heart

Soo, this just happened..

Adrianne Curry, (@adriannecurry) promised that if/when she got to 300 thousand followers on Twitter, she'd tweet a picture of her boobies... and she did. Kinda makes me think of what I would do for 300 thousand followers, but I don't even want to see myself naked soo I'm willing to bet that noone else does. Gotta love the fact that she actually had balls to do this though. And by balls of course I mean awesome body and a railing to lean on. Here's the picture, but with hearts over them because I said so, and anyways it's probably illegal for me to have this up on here anyways but since I love both of my readers, here you go. Merry Christmas, Happy Channukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and happy Labor Day. I think that should cover it.

P.S. Is it bad that I'm really just wondering if she fell off the railing after this? I'll update this if she ever responds to my tweet, but here's proof that I really want to know what happened after this picture was taken. Investigating at its finest.

Brothel In Nevada Starts A "Pimpin For Paul" Campaign Because They Like Ron Paul. I Think Ron Paul Just Got My Vote

If you ever told me that I would be sitting in my kitchen eating nachos and writing a blog post about Ron Paul, I'd probably spit in your face and steal your lunch money. But this has to be the funniest thing I've ever seen. Shit is a minefield of quotes that are solid gold:

"We thought real closely about supporting New Gingrich -- because he's a cheater -- and we like cheaters," Hof added. 


And the quote that has practically nothing to with anything but made me die laughing:

"A lot of them supported Obama last time," Hof said. "But because he signed a bill allowing for human consumption of wild horses... the girls don't want any part of Obama." 


So there it is. Just like that, Ron Paul gained my vote, and Nevada brothel chicks don't like to eat wild horses. The more you know.

99 Year Old Dude Divorces His Wife Of 77 Years Because She Cheated On Him In The 1940's. This Happened.

(Note: this isn't actually the couple in question, but it's probably the couple in question)

This article can't be real, right? Assuming that this story is legitimate and not an April Fools joke that's months late, first things first, fuck the haters on this one. Like this bitch got caught red handed with letters? What does that even mean? Was she olden day sexting? Just tossing out letters to the world saying how she was showing her ankles in her bedroom then wait for like two weeks to get a response because it took the messenger boy that long to deliver the responses? Fuck that. My boy Antonio C. is totally justified here. Divorce that 96 year old bitch and hop back on the bachelor lifestyle for the 6 months that he has left. Power move.