Dude Goes On Facebook And Taunts Police To Catch Him... Promptly Gets Caught By Police

I'm not one to condone any form of douchebaggery but you can't blame my boy for this. Sure he's gonna be in jail for a while now being a sex slave to some dude named Lysol, but trust me when I say that it was worth it. Because I promise you that if you could bottle up street cred, it would be worth more than gold and homeboy here is a walking street cred factory. I could hire midgets to milk this dude and be a millionaire quicker than it takes Albert Haynesworth to not pass his conditioning test. Taunting the shit out of the cops like a thug. I mean sure he got caught and all but that's irrelevant. You think you just gain the chance to fuck Takeesha in the alley way next to the big red dumpster overnight? Hell naw. Gotta earn that shit son. So I tip my hat to Mr. Burgos here for living the dream. That is, if your dream is being as good of a crook as a Scooby-Do villain. Meddling cops.

I Guess This Is Kinda Cool?

Can't decide how I feel about this one. And honestly, the only thing holding me back from legitimately liking whatever just happened is the question of how these bros even decided to do this in the first place. Like do people just sit around at lunch and blow on their stacked cups now? Or did a strong gust of wind show up and cups were just flying all over the place like it was fucking Twister? 

You Think You're Having A Bad Day?

Try waking up in a morgue freezer. Yup. That'll do it. I mean obviously it sucks to be locked in a morgue in the first place, but he definitely got the double whammy here. Because the only thing worse than being totally not-dead and locked in a freezer full of people that are totally dead is the fact that this guy wont be able to cash in and make a movie/book combo out of it. If I were the 127 hours guy, I would have just spent the entire time scripting out the movie that they'd make. Same can't be said for homeboy here. Like 250 pages of being cold and asleep just doesn't sound like a New York Times bestseller to me. I mean hey, I could be wrong, but I'm never wrong.

Tonight's The Night.

In approximately ten hours I'll be a kid again. Why? Because tonight, Nickelodeon is bringing back all its old shows. Moon landing. Signing of the Declaration of Independence. And now, "'90s Are All That".  Staples in American history. I'm giddy right now. Effing giddy. Like running around town and shaking hands with old people, throwing money at the homeless and buying Girl Scout cookies that I'll never eat. Just pure, unadulterated elation at this point. You know born again Christians? Well after tonight I'm gonna be a born again kid. Gonna be eating Go-Gurt and before you know it I'll be asking for some allowance. It'll kinda be like Benjamin Button except I'll be watching the Rugrats and Doug. Soo not really like Benjamin Button at all. But speaking of Doug.......

Honestly took me about an hour to do because I'm computer handicapped. I'm no art major but I'd give myself at least a B+. Mainly because I think Mount Dougmore would be the #1 tourist attraction in the entire world.

P.S. I hope my love for Patty Mayonnaise doesn't relapse. Just kidding I totally want it to relapse.

Big Brother Just Got Uglier, And I'm Throwing In The Towel

Listen, I gotta be honest here, I fucking love reality TV. Don't ask why, just embrace it. That being said, I'm probably not gonna watch another episode of Big Brother this season. Why? There's no point. They voted off the goddess Cassi that's pictured above last night. She was the definition of perfection. Now she's out of my life forever. Like nobody wants to watch ugly people do stuff either. I honestly avoid the mirror as much as possible because I'm a modern day Shrek. The last time I watched ugly people do something was probably when I went to the super market and saw some old lady bag my groceries. Hated every second of it. Other than that, I just steer away from non-beautiful people. So sorry, Big Brother, but I'm out.