Pretty Sure The Voice Of Spongebob Just Hit A Full Court Shot With His Shirt Over His Face

Let me just be the first to say that I'm not in one bit impressed by his shot by any means. Shooting a full court shot is 99% luck, and usually 1% editing, so let's not cream our pants over this kid that couldn't eve make a gimme layup in the beginning. Yawn city.

What I will give this kid props for is the fact that he now owns the title of having the worst celebrations in the history of celebrations. Like I'm pretty sure that if you have a voice like that, you know you have to be at LEAST good at dancing to celebrate. Not this guy. Just living in his own little delusional world where he can sound like spongebob telling Rob Dyrdek to suck it. Yikes.

Not only that, but what's up with the noise at :37? I'm no expert on male ejaculation (total lie, I have been since middle school), but I know for a fact that we 100% witnessed a man jizzing his pants right there. It was quick, it was weird, and it made me feel like I need to shower.

Tough Day For The Classic 'Violent Naked Pooping Masturbator Who Wanted To Steal A T.V.'

ABC-7.com WZVN News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral

You know what I hate. Gregs. Fucking Gregs. I think I speak for the entire nation when I say that there has never, in the history of the world, been a Greg that anyone gives a fuck about. There's no doubt in my mind that every Greg to ever live was a mouth breathing weirdo. That being said, this guy just completely won me over. He has to be the absolute king of all Gregs. The 'Greg de la Greg'. The 'Gregist of All Time'. The best part about it is the fact that this video doesn't even touch on all the bases of what he did. So let's recap real quick of everything this motherfucker accomplished in a single night: 

1. Got naked, climbed onto the roof of some random person's house.

2. Attacked an old guy by jumping off the roof and hitting his shoulder.

3. Ran into the random people's house.

4. Knocked down a TV.

5. Spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor.

6. Dodged bullets.

7. Jacked off in the middle of the random people's living room.

8. Rubbed clothes on his face in a kid's room.

9. Shit on the floor in one place.

10. Shit on the floor in another place.

11. Drank everything that came out of the vacuum.

aaaand there you have it. The most interesting Greg in the world.

P.S. how badly do you have to shit to shit not once, but twice on the floor of a random person's house? Every time I do it, I can only seem to get it done once. 

Meet Wang: The 42 Year Old Chinese Firework Maker Who Thinks Lifting Things With His Eyelids Is Somehow Cool And Impressive

NBC News: The 42-year-old fireworks maker from the central Chinese province of Hunan was photographed last weekend performing his signature trick: suspending two water buckets with a combined weight of 9 pounds on plastic hangers hooked to his eyelids for a minute.

"When I first started it was extremely painful," Wang told NBC News about his unique talent, "but after a lot of practice, it's just uncomfortable today."
Among other talents he's developed for the show? Having two men wrap a metal wire tightly around his neck while he talks to the audience, which he says has been in the thousands. 
When asked what his aspirations for the future were, Wang kept it simple. "I can currently hold 4.5 pounds on each eyelid, I'd like to push that to 11 pounds her eyelid."




You know how all those experts go around proclaiming that we all should start learning to speak Chinese and actually learn how to pretend how to use chopsticks instead of just stabbing our food with them, because China is going to take over the world soon? Apparently Wang hasn't. Just single-handedly bringing China's bright, smog-filled future down quicker than the Jersey Shore ever did for America. Like, this dude has a wife and kids, and his aspirations for the future are to hang 11 pounds from his little asian eyelids? Game, set, match- 'Murica. 

P.s. don't even get me started on the fact that this lifting shit has literally nothing to do with his eyelids. He's an absolute fraud that is just hanging it off his face bone. 

P.p.s. It's one thing to hang things from your eyelids, but it's a totally seperate thing to clap for yourself while you hang things from your eyelids. Loser.

Douchebag 12 Foot Boulder Decides 3am Is A Great Time To Smash Into An Old Lady's House And Break Her Face

Where does this boulder get off? Honestly, grow the fuck up dude. What, was being outdoors not cool enough for you or something? Some guy that works for the city that this happened in said in the actual article that it "came loose" because of the soil around it or some shit like that. Seriously? Are we just giving boulders the benefit of the doubt now? If we let stray boulders get away with this kind of shit, what's next? Manti Te'o making it his +1 to sit in New York on Draft day? Straight bullshit. Fuck boulders.*  

*NOTE: if there are any boulders reading this: I'm sorry for what I said. Please don't crush the shit out of me- I thought you were great in Indiana Jones.