Is this the fucking Truman Show right now? Am I getting punk'd here? Because if there is anything in this world that is absolutely fake, it has to be this article, right? Dude named Malcolm would go into the aquarium to take pictures of a dolphin and would just boink her all day long in the span of 9 months until it died because it had a broken heart after being transferred to another aquarium, then he tells both of his wives and they don't give a shit? I don't care that that was a run-on sentence. Rules clearly don't matter anymore if this story is even 4% real. I'm literally dumbfounded right now. I have too many questions:
-What the hell is the foreplay like for that shit? Just do that little dolphin laugh thing and make her all wet even though it's a dolphin that's in water so it's wet already anyways?
-What position do you attack a dolphin from? Reverse cowgirl or something?
-Did he wrap that shit up before he went to town?
-Is this where mermaids come from? Random dudes go and splooge inside of a dolphin and before you know it you got a chick with a tail and a coconut bikini hanging out on a rock all day?
Lackey could go out and pitch a no hitter 4 days in a row and I would be less surprised. But I mean I guess good for him? Like I'd love to knock him but you don't see me fucking a dolphin. No way I could even come close to getting it in with even a shitty turtle, let alone a dolphin. Fuck. My life sucks.
P.S. Is it weird that this is making me really want to go see "Dolphin Tale 3D" now? That's normal, right?
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