I'm Almost Positive That 3rd Graders Write for Pro Football Talk Because They Think Gisele Is Going To Give Birth To A Grill

This is a decently reliable source, right? I've definitely heard people report stuff before talking about PFT before. And slapping that NBC Sports logo around isn't helping their case. The funny thing about this is that when I read this I only saw the "grill" part and was totally happy with shitting on this writer for messing up. Then I re-read that entire sentence and realized that this is one of the worst sentences of all time.

Dude Gets Bored During His Lunch Breaks; Decides To Slow Down Nicki Minaj Songs To See What They Sound Like. Turns Out She Sounds Alot Like A Gay Version Of Jay-Z

This just solidifies the fact that every single thing on this earth is far better slowed down. It's like the whole everything-in-a-baby-version-is-cute thing, except for everything in existence. Wanna see water balloons getting thrown at a Japanese guy's face? Slow-mo. Some dude get hit in the balls by his asshole kid learning how to swing a baseball bat? Slow-mo.  By far the best part about this whole thing is the fact that he named this slowed-down, wiener-wielding version of Nicki Minaj "Nicholas Minjayz". Kind of unsettling that I would probably still touch whatever that creature is in the picture next to the songs, but it's probably just a phase. I mean that thing is kinda hot, right? Definitely a solid 6.

We're Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Grab the Tupperware tub filled with lasagna out of the fridge and put it in the microwave- Mom's Leftover's is back! Back to posting random shit you need to see, and people shitting on me for not being funny! I'm excited. Mase is clearly excited. Let's get to it.

Victor Cruz's Salsa Dance Is Going To Be In The Next Madden?

Madden will never ever be the same. It's not even about the game anymore, really. Just who can do the best touchdown dance. Honestly, football is football. It's a man's sport. People get hit, people get hurt, people get mad. But childish dancing after scoring a touchdown? This is turning the game into a poor excuse for the title of a 'sports' game. Are you kidding me, Madden?!

TAKE ALL MY MONEY! This is honestly the best thing Madden has ever done since they decided to not let Madden say a word during the game. If other player's celebrations are put in here, it's game fucking over. I'm gonna be doing the Discount Double-Check (please don't sue me, State Farm) until my eyes bleed.

I solemnly swear right now that if your Be A Pro player can create his own dance moves, I'll actually play out every single one of the pointless practices that the game has. That's a promise.

Special, Live Look At Me After That Bruins Game!