Fucking Asians

First off, let me just let both of you readers out there know that I felt nauseous after watching this. We have this whole honesty thing going on right now, so I'm gonna be honest with you. I had to go take a lap around my house bumping into things left and right just to make sure I could still feel things. This shit was numbing. I had no idea what to think. Once I saw that this dude's record was just about at the 10 hour mark, I lost it. How is that even possible? Pretty sure your dick would either catch on fire or just melt. But maybe when you have a stereotypical Asian wiener, it's easier to navigate?

But honestly, my all time favorite moment of this whole thing was at 1:50 - 1:55. Arguably the greatest five seconds in YouTube history. Dude's spankin' it on the bean bag chair while his cat hops around like it's Christmas morning. Like does the cat know what's going on? The cat must know.

The cat knows. 

What Do You Think The Drug Of Choice Is For This Real Life Michael Scott?

I'm going on the record here saying that there is something wrong with the world if homeboy here isn't an internet sensation by next week. This is almost too good to be true. Like a part of me doesn't want to believe that this is real. Kinda wanna just sit back and accept that this is some dude's impression of Michael Scott before he left The Office. 

But yeah, I'm totally guessing cocaine.

This Hockey Guy With A Strange Name Can Skate Around On Ice For My Entertainment Anyday!

Here's the thing; I like hockey. I really do. Definitely my 3rd favorite sport. But the absolute, number 1 thing that I don't like about it is the fucked up names. Impossible to remember, impossible to pronounce. Half of the time when I'm watching the game, I think I'm about to see Pokemon about to appear and fight to the death because the announcer yells "KHABIBULIN!!!!!". Nope, just some dude named that made a save. 

All that being said, although I had absolutely zero knowledge of his existence prior to watching this video five minutes ago, he has my All-Star vote. What separates the men from the boys is a little thing I call Nickelback. This guy could be a murder, thief, or even the only person in the world who doesn't like Ketchupbot, and I would still vote for him. Because at the end of the day, hating Nickelback is a brother hood. A brotherhood of billions. 

Serious Question- Is Something Wrong With Me?

Do me a favor and read both of those headlines right now. Not the fine print or whatever, just straight up headline. I did like 14 seconds ago and here are the first things to come to mind:

Headline #1- "That's not a nice thing to call some fat Asian."
and headline #2- "I wonder how those black women lost their husbands?"

Am I fucked up? Is this normal? Apparently my subconscious is a racist old man. Huh. The more you know.

Ladies And Gentlemen... Meet Rick Nadeau

I'm no biblical scholar here but I'm pretty sure that somewhere in Genesis, it talks about God creating Rick Nadeau. And then after that, it talked about how Rick stuffs dead squirrels and puts them in wicked sweet poses. In case some of you bastards are too lazy to click the link, and go through his website, here are some of the gems that I found: 

Is it weird that I'm salivating over these right now? If I don't have one of these, my life will be considered a failure. So in all honesty, I am now taking donations to get a little stuffed squirrel playing the banjo and smoking a pipe. Think of it as a sort of Mom's Leftovers mascot or something.. whatever justifies you giving me money, I'm cool with. Bye.