Chick In The White Shirt Can Be My Background Dancer Any Day

(Chicks turns on the juice towards the middle of the video)

If there's one thing in this world that I hate, it's when other people around me suck. Not literally, but when they're just so terrible, they manage to bring you down in a way that is embarrassing. Happens all the time. Whether you're in a big group of friends hanging out and they all act like douches, or just clearly the best person within a group of people, it can get annoying. That's why I feel for my girl in the middle, killing it with the capri workout pants. How pissed would you be if you were the only one doing the dance right the entire time while everyone is on the correct tempo, doing synchronized moves, looking like idiots? Fucking chicks, man. Can't get anything right.

KETCHUPBOT!!!!!!

So obviously the only robots that get any press are either the ones on Star Wars, ones that creepy scientists make so they can stick their creepy little scientist wieners in because they can't get anything else, and Snooki. But let me tell you this, my boy Ketchupbot is just a solid, blue-collar worker. You need ketchup? Ketchupbot's got your back son! Love the dedication, too. Little guy never wants to stop working. Just rolls around and sprays ketchup wherever the fuck he wants. Ballin.

TLC Gives Us The Definition of Must Watch T.V.

In lieu of the Thanksgiving spirit, I think that instead of ripping these two wacko virgin kissers apart, we should be thankful. I'm thankful for TLC. Honestly, is there any network that has shot out better shows than TLC? Hoarders. I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. And now the Virgin Diaries?! That's an all-star lineup right there.

Overall, I'm the most thankful for the fact that I'm not this guy's boxers. Those things were probably dripping in cum when this happened. Not a good look.

Biggie Smalls Makes A Baby Calm The Fuck Down

I'm disgustingly envious of this little flesh ball. It's not even because this video is cute as fuck or anything, either. This kid is gonna grow up, and always have this video to look back on. Just gonna be able to whip this thing out to anyone that this little guy ever dates. What do I have? A fucking 3 second video on VHS of me drooling all over myself in my car seat. The only thing that video is making wet is my one year old self's face. Automatic turn off. So honestly, fuck this kid. I wanted to root for you bro, but you're just a selfish prick. 

High, Granny!

First off, how fucking clever is the title of this blog? Hahahahahah! "High, Granny!" It's funny because it's a pun on the word hi/high!! Get it?! Because when people say hello to their grandma, people say hi, but since this woman is definitely high off drugs, I wrote "high" instead of "hi"!!!! Where the fuck do I come up with this stuff?!

Seriously though, this woman is a beacon of hope for not only the people who are already old and senile, but all of us that's just living until we get to be old and senile. Because at the end of the day, this shit is wifey material. There's nothing I want more out of a spouse than to get high as fuck when you realize that you're old and life sucks. Going down in a blaze of hallucinogenic glory. Love it. Love her. Love old people (but not really).