Take Me Back To 2001... Now.

Let me just throw out this lineup of some of the top 100 songs in 2001, and I dare you not to make a mess of your undies. Ready? Probably not.

(In no particular order because that would be a crime to try to sort these songs out)
Butterfly- Crazy Town
Hero- Enrique Iglesias
Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse
Drops Of Jupiter- Train
Thank You- Dido
All Or Nothing- O-Town
How You Remind Me- Nickelback
Everywhere- Michelle Branch
Follow Me- Uncle Kracker

And the always classy: It Wasn't Me- Shaggy

Literally this is easily the lineup of all lineups right here. I feel bad for all the songs that I left off of this list, but my hands hurt and I'm a straight up pussy so I don't feel like typing all of them out. But seriously, I can't get enough of each and every song listed above. It's almost like 2001 was my drug and right now I'm in total relapse mode.

Someone help me get a time machine so we can go back to being 11 and frolic around in our capris, sippin' on some Moutain Dew Code Red. Please?

Dear Diary: Today, I Fell In Love.

Welp so there I was, just innocently listening to All Of The Lights by Kanye on YouTube like a 6th grader because my iTunes is fucked up. What happens? Rhianna just decided to show up and personally dance for me. I mean I guess that's cool. Just show up in my computer screen and entertaining me. I won't complain Rhianna. I swear she was only dancing for me too, like trust me I could totally see it in her eyes. Now you may sit there and say "yeah but Dave, 10 million people and counting have watched the same video, you're not special... at all" or something like "she was just looking at the camera lens when they shot the video, not your dumb face". But all I have to say is I beg you prove to me that we're not in love. I dare you. You can't do it. It can't be done. We're going to get married and I'm excited as hell. 

P.S. Thanks to Chris Brown, I'll look like the greatest guy in the world when me and Rhianna settle down and decide to have some little chiclets of our own. Nothing like an ex boyfriend who used to beat the shit out of a chick to make you look good. 

86 Year Old Great Grandmother + Broom, Apparently = No Robberies?

So last Friday night, an 86 year old Great Grandmother fended off a burglar with a broom. What? This has to be the saddest showing of an attempted burglar since 'Nam. How could you ever possibly let that happen? This guy has to be disgustingly depressed right meow. Like bro, an 86 year old chick stopped you from taking shit from her house. With a broom. I didn't even know brooms still existed. This is the 21st century, we have robots to clean up our shit for us now. But I love how this chick doesn't even care about technology. Just give her a stick with some hay attached to the end and she's totally ready to go. Kinda makes me wonder what cool stuff she'd even have in her house worth stealing to begin with.

But seriously now, close your eyes and just imagine how this dude's stay in jail is gonna pan out. Like obviously guys in jail read this blog. That's simply a given. So when they read this, I give him literally 14 miliseconds before he gets jumped and/or raped. And it doesn't even matter if this guy is like MacGuyver when it comes to making shivs either. He could be oozing muscles, but he'd still be the absolute bitch of the jail. Because at the end of the day, nothing quite says 'bitch' like being afraid of an old lady with a broom.

The "You're Welcome" Moment Of The Week

I literally don't need to say anything about this video. Just straight up awesome in every way. I'm kinda pissed I found this because it just blows every other video I'll ever find out of the water.

You're welcome.

P.S. I really want to watch some Band of Brothers after watching this. Like I'm pretty sure my brain would explode.

Let's Pour One Out For Nikolas Galiatsatos Tonight

You want some mice with that?

According to this article, some pizza owner in PA was getting pissed that all the other pizzerias were getting a lot of business. What does he do? Goes into the restaurants, and plants mice all over the place. The worst part about the whole thing is the fact that this guy got arrested for this. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what they taught us in like 1st grade. Do what you have to do to get ahead in the game. It's the American way. If a kid is making fun of you on the playground for not having those sick shoes that light up every time you take a step, slap him around in some foursquare. Or in this case, if you don't like the way someone is doing something, just throw some mice around and get shit done. Nothing wrong with that. Like who gets hurt in this situation? No one. It's the pizzeria's own damn fault for being so tasty in the first place. If you're gonna serve delicious food on a daily basis, why not serve it up for some mice too?

Free Nikolas! Free Nikolas! Let's pour some out for Nikolas Galiatsatos tonight, because God knows he's earned it.