Don't You Hate It When You're Drunk And Being Chased By Zombies So You Obviously Steal A Newspaper Delivery Truck To Survive And The Cops Have The Nerve To Arrest You?

Apple Valley, Minn- Minnesota man accused of stealing a newspaper delivery truck from a gas station told police he took it because he was running from zombies. Garrett Howard Hurlbut, 23, of Apple Valley was charged with stealing a motor vehicle during the September incident, the Minneapolis Star Tribune reported. A police report said officers found Hurlbut near the truck, several blocks away from the gas station where it was reported stolen. Hurlbut told police he had "jumped or fell from the truck" and was "running from zombies," the report said. Police said Hurlbut had "bloodshot, watery eyes and a strong odor of alcoholic beverages on his breath."


Look, the fact that us tax payers are pouring money into the police force that is single handedly stopping citizens from saving themselves from imaginary zombie hordes is one thing. But to bring up that this dude had 'bloodshot, watery eyes' is completely and utterly unforgivable. Tattling on a drunk dude for crying? I mean talk about kicking a man while he's down. Crying? Of course he was crying! I cried at the end of Toy Story 3. Put me in front of a charging group of zombies that aren't real? Forget about it. There's no telling what I'd do. 


Just kidding, we all know I'd pull a Knowshon: 

Google Announcing That They're Making Floating Stores On Barges Is So Google I Can't Even Stand It

LA Times- According to a new report, there will actually be three barges and they will be used as floating retail stores for Google's new Glass eyewear. They will cost a total of $35 million, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, which attributed the information to a budget report by Turner Construction Co., which is building the barges. The barges will be stationed in San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York, the Chronicle says. Each barge will be built out of 80 shipping containers and they'll each feature large sails. "While we have explored many ideas in the past around the barges, our current plan, as we've stated before, is to use them as an interactive space where people can learn about new technology," the Silicon Valley company told the Chronicle. 

Look believe it or not I'm not exactly an expert at making stores that float on barges or trying to sell glasses that you can watch Youtube on, so let's get that out of the way. Will making a store infinitely harder to get to help sell a product? Who knows.  What I do know is that Google is easily the cockiest company on the planet. 

"Oh, you like our simple, colorful logo? Well we're going to change it up literally every day depending on what random person in history that nobody knows did that day! And while we're at it- hop on your grandpa's old kayak and buy our $300 pair of glasses that aren't even prescription!"

What's next, they decide to intrude on Bing's territory and become a website where pre-teen boys can search for pictures of boobs?! C'mon.